There's a feeling that comes with being on the edge of bleeding. It's in those days just before your blood releases where you get to feel all the feels - and to me it's one of the most potent times in my cycle. These few days on the edge of bleeding I feel myself turning inwards and I feel more tired, but they also always seem to give (me) some sort of energyboost: I need to stock up on foods and supplies, I need to honour my boundaries and really embody the word 'no', I need to limit social contacts/appointments and obligations to a minimum, and I need to physically create a safe space for myself in order to be able to really release.
Recognizing and acknowledging these behaviors as my natural instincts has made a huge difference for me. I see them as my natural tendency to prepare myself for my winter period, just like a squirl; I'm collecting my nuts, preparing my nest and I'm creating a safe space (without too much disruption from the outer world) so I can have a peaceful hibernation. Learning to really honor and follow these instincts has made it so much easier for me to really embrace my period, to sink into my inner winter.
Note: the way I work with and write about my cycle is by dividing the monthly menstrual cycles into four phases: the ovulation phase is my inner summer, the luteal phase is my inner autumn, the menstrual phase is my inner winter, and the follicular phase is my inner spring. I have written more about this way of working with your cycle in other articles - this is just to let you know that I'll be referring to these terms in this article.
The need for (safe) space
To introduce this theme, I'd like to share an example from my own life with you, to show you what these 'on the edge' days can look like. A few days ago I was travelling from Holland to Cornwall with my partner. My period wasn't due yet and I had decided to treat myself to two days in a little pod on a campsite, in order to visit a sacred site on the way. Having decided that I needed to do that alone -and taking my space to do so- I had put my partner on the train - he would travel the last few hours by himself and I would follow a few days later, by car.
When I got to the little pod I had booked, I noticed that something was off: I felt unsafe, I felt this deep need to also continue travelling and to bring myself to a familiar place. I even felt like I wanted to go straight back home. Knowing that I would normally be perfectly happy with what I had booked and not being able to find anything that could explain my very strong feelings of unsafety, I decided to go to my sacred site and give myself a few hours to arrive. But the feeling stayed, it was as if my inner self was screaming to me, telling me to go and find a safe space now so I wouldn't have to travel in two days, like I had planned.
As a person who has experience with feeling unsafe and experiencing deep triggers around this theme, I did what works best for me in such situations: I filled up the little pod with all the blankets, candles, books, minerals & stones I had brought, and with the smell of sandalwood and the sound of pianomusic. But nothing worked, I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to break up my little holiday and continue travelling. By the time it was morning I knew I needed to make a different decision for myself and that I needed to listen to my urge, so I packed my stuff and checked out one day earlier - knowing that I wouldn't get a refund. I was feeling sad that I wouldn't be visiting the rest of my sacred site now. Also I was trying to not get upset with myself for feeling this way, for feeling so unsafe, which sometimes just isn't easy, and to not judge myself for the many emotions I was experiencing. Just before leaving I went to the toilet and there it was: a drip of blood.
Letting go of judgement & instead supporting yourself in what you need
If I would have known my period was due, I would have anticipated on this of course, knowing that going on 'an adventure' isn't a good idea for me when I'm on the edge of bleeding. In the past few years I have learned to really plan my month in sync with my cycle: when I want to go on an adventure/travel I would usually plan that in my spring, summer or early autumn phase (which I thought I was in), but not in late autumn or winter. But my month had been messy and emotional due to some big changes in my life, and that had influenced my cycle - apparently my body decided to release earlier.
I want to share about these few days just before bleeding, because I think we often hugely overlook our needs here. We haven't been tought to listen to our body's needs, to the subtle messages it's sending us. We very often judge our emotions and might not even hear our intuition. We haven't learned to take these feelings serious, at least I hadn't - the 'old' me would have pushed myself forward and judged myself for feeling this way. I would have literally judged my instincts telling me exactly what I need, my instincts working for me, taking care of me.
Listening to your needs rather than acting on what you had 'planned' to do, listening to your needs rather than acting on what is expected of you (or what you expect of yourself), requires taking yourself serious. Listening to yourself. Loving yourself. And even if we can't always meet our needs in the moment (for example when we need to work or have other responsibilities), we can still take care of ourselves in the best way possible, we can treat ourselves with love and care. And I think it's important that we (we =women, but also the man in our lives) get familiar with the luteal phase, so we can start understanding what it needs. What it wants to tell us. How we best care for ourselves, how we can act and support ourselves here.
Creating safety & stocking up
One thing that my instincts are telling me in the days before bleeding is to find stability. Knowing that I release best when I am in a space that feels safe to me, and that I don't handle any unstability very well, I make sure that I use these 'on the edge' days to stabilize myself. That can be in my home, at a dear friend, at my partners house or even in a holiday home or tent - as long as it feels safe and stable to me (which means that, preferrably, I don't have to travel or move). If I do need to travel I make sure to make myself as comfortable as possible, or to ask for the help of a friend. I also know that I have the need to 'nest': it is my inner guidance system telling me that I need to create a nest for (inner) winter. And so I make sure that, wherever I am, I create a cosy space for myself. Usually I fill this space / bed / chair up with blankets, a hot water bottle, some amethist and rosequartz and my favorite tea mug. Just to make me feel supported and held during my menstruation.
It is also in these days that I feel like I get a last energy burst, in order to set myself up for the days of bleeding that are about to arrive, in which I know I will have very limited energy. I prepare myself by stocking up on foods so I don't have to go to the shop in my first three days. Often I pre-cook a few meals, to make the first bleeding day a little easier. And even though I'm describing this as if I'm sitting on a blanket 24h a day during my period that is of course not the case. I am a huge fan of period breaks and really resting for the first two or three days, but I know very well that is not always possible. Not for me, and probably also not for you. And so I prepare myself, so I'm able to take as much rest as possible during the day. I've integrated this in my monthly routine as much as possible, knowing that I thank myself for doing these preparations during my menstruation.
Period anxiety
Creating safety for yourself in this way can also help a lot when you experience period anxiety. Recently more and more women started to tell me how they get nervous in the week before their period, because they have had experiences with severe pains / fainting etc - and they're afraid it will happen again. If you experience this in the week before bleeding, creating safety can help so much. It can help ground these feelings of anxiety, and it can make your luteal phase (+ the transition from luteal into menstruation phase) easier.
Another great thing to do here, is to ask for help. Asking for help isn't something that most people do easily, but trust me, it's one of the best things I've learned to do over the past few years. Help can come from a partner, a family member, a friend, a neighbor - you'll be suprised how many people are willing to help, when you dare to ask. Great support and help can also come from the other women/womb carriers in your life. Letting other women know you're on your period, and knowing from them when they are, has helped me so much with period anxiety - just because I would feel more supported and less alone. Me and a dear friend sometimes even visit each other during our periods; our cycles are opposite to each other and so one takes care of the other when she's bleeding. I'll write another article on this one day, but having women in my life that support me during these days has made a huge difference for me.
The potential of the last days of autumn
But there's more to it. Many people know that women might experience certain feelings and emotions in the days before/around their period. Many of us might not know how to handle these feelings, they might feel unwelcome, unwished. To me, these feelings come with a message and if we don't take responsibility for ourselves and listen to ourselves here, we might end up feeling a lot of rage, frustration, sadness and despair. People tend to refer to this as 'pms' (premenstrual symptoms) or period related 'issues'. To me these aren't 'issues' at all; I think these are the feelings of a women in danger of not being able to honor her needs and hear her intuition.
To me, 'pms' is a messenger. Pms is here to tell you where you need to set firmer boundaries in order to create more space for yourself. Your menstruation time is not about being available for other people or about being out there in the world all the time - no. Bleeding period is about turning inwards, retreating, resting, slowing down and letting go. These qualities aren't necessarily celebrated in a linear society that is often about hustling and grinding the whole month, but by doing that or by always expecting women to be 'out there', society misses out on one of the greatest qualities of women - the time of the month in which where women most easily access their inner knowing, their deep womb wisdom. 'Pms', which starts in luteal phase, is your body telling you to slow down in order to prepare for menstruation. Your body is asking you to honor your cyclic nature.
Giving yourself permission
When I experience these feelings, I see this as my inner wild woman coming out of her turtle shell to let me feel exactly where I'm at. If, in that past month, I haven't been setting my boundaries well enough, or if I haven't met my own needs, it will show now; I will feel rage, anger, resentment, sadness - I'll be feeling all the feels. I'm not saying that I think it is good to react these feelings out on other people, but I do say that it is good to take these feelings seriously within yourself, as they are an indicator that you might need to loosen the pressure on yourself, that you might need to prepare for inner winter, that you might need more quiet or alone time.
I might write another article on these 'edge of bleeding' days soon, because I deeply believe that, if we are willing to meet our wild woman here, we can get to the root of very deep patterns around being available for other people. Patterns around people pleasing, judging our blood, suppressing our rage, taking time and space for ourselves - so much of that is what actually wants to be shown at this very potent time. I think we as women, but also we as a society, need to listen to these feelings, not judge them. We need to hold space for them, to find out why they are there and what they need, and not suppress them.
Sometimes it's a gentle, and sometimes a fierce reminder to take care of yourself. To just be, to lower the pressure, to not fulfill any outer needs or expectations, but to create space for yourself. You don't need anyones approval for that, but your own. It is up to us to start doing this, and to start communicating our needs to the world around us. I deeply believe that taking this responsibility for yourself is the key to changing things in our society. Don't wait till society changes and gives you permission to rest just before and during your period (or in general); give yourself permission. Create some space for yourself, even if it's just one minute a day. That is the key to change.
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